I can't say that I didn't see this coming. The Swiss are little more than barbarians who have been biding their time ever since the larger powers of Europe forced neutrality on them. It looks like they've finally decided to turn the tables on their smaller and weaker neighbors. Tragic, really.
I expect that this was an attempt to test the waters and scout the territory first. They'll probably use a small force to kidnap the Liechtenstein royals, either as ransom, or out of pure schadenfreude, as the Swiss move to appropriate Liechtenstein's rival banking industry for their own nefarious purposes. Ditto for all the holding corporations found there. I expect you'll be able to find the royalty imprisoned in Château de chillon. Oh sure, it sounds and looks idyllic...
Until you see the inside:
That's right, the Swiss still maintain
freaking dungeons to deal with political dissidents and prisoners. No renaissance niceties in this castle. Sadly, the Liechtenstein royalty is unlikely to find a sympathetic modern day Lord Byron to memorialize their imprisonment in this dank place, as he did for one man chained to that post
for years so long ago. Guantanamo has nothing on this.
So what is the Swiss endgame? Well if the attack on Liechtenstein and its alignment with Swiss interests weren't already obvious, I'm of a mind that the Swiss are out to establish a monopoly in international banking. Therefore, their next target will probably be another small monarchy not too far away: Luxembourg. There are several obvious motivations for this, not the least of which is the lucrative Luxembourg baking sector. Luxembourg has the highest GDP per capita
in the world; they generate a total GDP of $30B per year, of which fully 66% is generated by their financial services sector. Clearly they are a threat the Swiss banking hegemony. Moreover, like Switzerland, Luxembourg is very strategically positioned. Along with Switzerland, it is probably the most defensive position in Europe (hence its one time nickname, "The Gibraltar of the North"). The value as both an economic and military target is obvious. It's a perfect location to set up a defense with Switzerland's well known halberdiers, who will almost be
recalled from the Vatican to take up the Swiss national cause.
Additionally, Swiss confiserie Sprüngli has for years been conspiring to keep their tasty candies from the rest of the world, particularly their well known
Luxemburgerli candies. It seems only appropriate that in their greedy attempt to hoard all of the candies, they would want to monopolize the name as well as a matter of national pride.
The obvious problem is how to get to Luxembourg from Switzerland. I've drawn up this rudimentary map to illustrate:
This is the plan, I suspect: the Swiss will move up the Rhine river, straddling France and Germany, until they reach Strasbourg. There, they will feign an attack on the heart of the EU, prompting an immediate response from France and Germany. Duplicitous and crafty as they are, the Swiss will no doubt create the appearance of a force in the center of the city, and then secretly move the bulk of their forces across the French countryside toward Luxembourg. Meanwhile, the French and Germans will find themselves shelling each other, but by then it will be too late. The Franks and the Hun will be back to warring over the true owner of Strasbourg, while the Swiss slip into defenseless Luxembourg and take up position there.
By then, we'll have bigger problems on our hands, as tensions across Europe escalate over the rightful owner of Strasbourg, and over the question of why the major government functions of the EU were split up between two cities just to appease the French in the first place.
Switzerland, with it's newly conquered territory and enhanced economic might will quickly declare itself (once again) neutral in world affairs, justifying their position as one of not wanting to be involved in the squabbles of "Old Europe." They will then move quickly to sign a mountain of favorable bi-lateral treaties, using their candy and banking monopolies as leverage to extort even more from their partners than they had gotten before.
The U.N. will of course be helpless to intervene - China will veto any action by the security council (favorable banking conditions and well placed bribes of Luxemburgerli candies with high ranking Chinese Communist Party officials), and France will insist that we focus on the growing German threat rather than the Swiss. A token statement with respect to Liechtenstein and Luxembourg of "Never again!" will be issued from the office of the U.N. President, but countries like San Marino and Belgium would do well to remember recent history and watch their backs when it comes to the Swiss.
02.06.2004 
