Basel is the capital of northern Switzerland and of Culture in a whole. It is the place where LSD was invented, and this is what most Baslers are having for breakfast, imagining they live in a metropolis.
Most residents are old ladies with billions of cheesefranks on their bank accounts. They only spend it for art and soccer. This is why Picasso was born there and why FC Basel won the soccer world championship every year since 1798. These old ladies hate noise and therefore everbody causing noise faces death penalty - except if he's using some kind of old fashioned flute called piccolo. In that case he'd be hailed by everybody on the streets. This old custom is called Fasnacht and is being celebrated every day of the year.
Baslers are always happy, except if they meet somebody from Zurich. Baslers feel people from Zurich have bigger dicks and that this is only justified by their more advanced medicinal system. They become very aggressive and often destroy Zurich's soccer stadium and rape little dogs.
Basel is also where Israel was founded in 1899. Many people believe it is the capital of the big conspiracy. Those who probably know about it live in a big brown and ugly tower with the strange name "Bank of international settlements".
The symbol of the daily oppression is the Basler Zeitung, a newspaper that tells people nothing but the truth and really loves its readers.
Basel is also the place where the Swiss brought all the culture they bought throughout the world.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Basel
Was Du schon immer über Basel wissen wolltest
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rayparlour
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hat das ein frustrierter zürcher geschriebenrayparlour hat geschrieben:Basel is the capital of northern Switzerland and of Culture in a whole. It is the place where LSD was invented, and this is what most Baslers are having for breakfast, imagining they live in a metropolis.
Most residents are old ladies with billions of cheesefranks on their bank accounts. They only spend it for art and soccer. This is why Picasso was born there and why FC Basel won the soccer world championship every year since 1798. These old ladies hate noise and therefore everbody causing noise faces death penalty - except if he's using some kind of old fashioned flute called piccolo. In that case he'd be hailed by everybody on the streets. This old custom is called Fasnacht and is being celebrated every day of the year.
Baslers are always happy, except if they meet somebody from Zurich. Baslers feel people from Zurich have bigger dicks and that this is only justified by their more advanced medicinal system. They become very aggressive and often destroy Zurich's soccer stadium and rape little dogs.
Basel is also where Israel was founded in 1899. Many people believe it is the capital of the big conspiracy. Those who probably know about it live in a big brown and ugly tower with the strange name "Bank of international settlements".
The symbol of the daily oppression is the Basler Zeitung, a newspaper that tells people nothing but the truth and really loves its readers.
Basel is also the place where the Swiss brought all the culture they bought throughout the world.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Basel
Phallokratisches Chauvinischtenschwein mit patriarchischer Grundeinstellung
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Diggi_Eier
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Mein Gott muess däm langwyylig gsi syyrayparlour hat geschrieben:Basel is the capital of northern Switzerland and of Culture in a whole. It is the place where LSD was invented, and this is what most Baslers are having for breakfast, imagining they live in a metropolis.
Most residents are old ladies with billions of cheesefranks on their bank accounts. They only spend it for art and soccer. This is why Picasso was born there and why FC Basel won the soccer world championship every year since 1798. These old ladies hate noise and therefore everbody causing noise faces death penalty - except if he's using some kind of old fashioned flute called piccolo. In that case he'd be hailed by everybody on the streets. This old custom is called Fasnacht and is being celebrated every day of the year.
Baslers are always happy, except if they meet somebody from Zurich. Baslers feel people from Zurich have bigger dicks and that this is only justified by their more advanced medicinal system. They become very aggressive and often destroy Zurich's soccer stadium and rape little dogs.
Basel is also where Israel was founded in 1899. Many people believe it is the capital of the big conspiracy. Those who probably know about it live in a big brown and ugly tower with the strange name "Bank of international settlements".
The symbol of the daily oppression is the Basler Zeitung, a newspaper that tells people nothing but the truth and really loves its readers.
Basel is also the place where the Swiss brought all the culture they bought throughout the world.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Basel
A*schelo hat geschrieben:Ha ha, da beklagt sich jemand der mehrere Pseudos hat. Armselig.
Wem's nicht passt, kann gehen....
Antwort Eierli, wenn der Thread nicht gerade gesperrt worden wäre hat geschrieben:Armselig ist, wer nicht mit gleichen Ellen messen kann. Machs gut, Spaghetti.
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Schlafstadt
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- Wohnort: Basel
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Rinoceronte
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- Registriert: 03.01.2005, 11:29
Do no öbbis über Paris:
Cultural Highlights
Many visitors to Paris immediately rush to see the Eiffel Tower. There, having worked their way past the hordes of Nigerians attempting to sell you sunglasses and other such items, you can make your way to the top of the tower to see where James Bond fought May Day and to spit off the top to see if it really does hurt someone below.
Alternatively you may wish to visit the Louvre and see the Mona Lisa and some of the other, unimportant paintings. Please note that it is the Louvre and NOT the Loo (or Toilet) as the French may get offended at you and ignore you even more pointedly. There are many other artistic centres such as The Pompidou which still hasn't been finished, so beware of French builders hanging off the scaffolding attempting to wolf-whistle and discuss Jean-Paul Sartre or existentialism.
There are many mimes in Paris, but you shouldn't let this spoil your enjoyment of this wonderful city. Shooting mimes is entirely legal in Paris and you don't even need to fill out any forms.
Alternatively you could visit Notre Dame and wait to see if you can catch an elusive glimpse of the hunchback in the cathedral or watch the American Football college team practice there before flying back on game day.
The notorious Paris Égalité is one of the most beloved teams of Major League Bloodbath. Established in 1643 as the Paris Royale (and renamed in 1789 as the Égalité), Parisu2019 MLB team was a dominant power in the early 1800s with the contributions of the legendary player, Napoleon Bonaparte, perhaps one of the best power centers in history. Since then, the Égalité have become much loved and cursed as they endure one of the longest losing streaks in the history of the MLB.
On every second Sunday there is public guillotining, but you must book in advance as room is scarce. You are advised to bring a basket.
The trees lining the streets of Paris are rich in culture because they are almost 1200 years old. The German commander Ludwig van Beethoven planted them himself in 1804 during World War I so his troops could march through Paris in the shade during future wars such as World War II, the Russian Revolution, and the Franco-Prussian War. Otto von Bismarck describes the planting in detail in his bestseller, De Bello Gallico.
[edit]Transportation
Driving in Paris is a real pleasure and not to be missed. Should you wish for a leisurely driving experience may we recommend the Champs Elysees. A handy phrase book illustrating all appropriate hand signals and gestures can be purchased from most newspaper stands, and are available in a wide variety of French dialects. However, should you wish to experience Paris in a more Parisian fashion then there are a number of alternatives.
[edit]The Metro
Authentic steam trains underground! The ultimate way around Paris. Trains run around every 2 hours during peak times, then whenever the operators bloody well feel like it after that. They are frequently on strike over the condition of their baguettes and the wine being served at above room temperature, so be prepared for delays.
[edit]The Camel
Camels are the natural choice of Parisians, and therefore the discerning tourist. Camels can be found in the taxi ranks near all major attractions and don't have to be paid for - you simply take one to the next location you wish to see and tether it there for someone else to use.
[edit]The Sedan Chair
For the First Class Parisian resident or tourist take a Sedan Chair! Born on the backs of husky men chosen for their uniform height these chairs are the ultimate transport in Paris! Beware as there are long queues and the occasional challenges to a duel for this transport. Sedan chairs are not recommended in the poorer districts of Paris due to the danger of being dragged off and guillotened.
[edit]Fashion in Paris
All Parisians walk around in the latest fashions. There is a fashion show every day of the week in Paris and many of the models can be seen frequenting the restaurants and cafés between shows. Parisian slavishly follow all of the latest trends and sneer at those not similarly attired. As all French women are incredibly thin due to the Gauloise cigarettes they continuously smoke, this makes buying Parisian fashion beyond the reach of most people, especially your typical American tourist, whom they charge by the metric yard.
Due to the frequency of fashion shows in Paris, there are no longer individual opening nights, but rather one opening night that has lasted for 32 years, making it the longest continuous party in the world and where a quarter of all champagne produced goes annually. Here you can meet the most talentless people employed outside of a council who produce clothes that not even a Chav would be seen dead in, although Posh Spice would pay good money for them.
Boutiques in Paris are amongst the snobiest and least helpful in the known world. Here you can be ignored in true style for hours on end as you look at the creations to have come from some of the most tiny minds. Admire men and women with far too much time and money trying on clothes that they will never wear if humanly possible.
[edit]Parisian Etiquette
Parisian etiquette is legendary across the Civilised World, and America. All communcation attempts with a resident should be conducted in a clear, loud voice. Should this fail then we advised raising your voice or purchasing a bullhorn from one of the many Nigerians who will still be following you about. Spitting in the street is also considered to be essential, but without hitting anyone as this is considered the height of bad manners, unless you are speaking directly to them. To blend in you should purchase a beret, a string of onions, a bicycle and a black and white hooped t-shirt.
Parisians are warm and welcoming to their neighbours and love nothing more than being able to converse with an American or Englishman, preferably about art or cuisine although atomic testing in the Pacific is also considered polite conversation. Keeping your arms very still and extinguishing their ever present cigarette is also sure to endear you to them.
Cultural Highlights
Many visitors to Paris immediately rush to see the Eiffel Tower. There, having worked their way past the hordes of Nigerians attempting to sell you sunglasses and other such items, you can make your way to the top of the tower to see where James Bond fought May Day and to spit off the top to see if it really does hurt someone below.
Alternatively you may wish to visit the Louvre and see the Mona Lisa and some of the other, unimportant paintings. Please note that it is the Louvre and NOT the Loo (or Toilet) as the French may get offended at you and ignore you even more pointedly. There are many other artistic centres such as The Pompidou which still hasn't been finished, so beware of French builders hanging off the scaffolding attempting to wolf-whistle and discuss Jean-Paul Sartre or existentialism.
There are many mimes in Paris, but you shouldn't let this spoil your enjoyment of this wonderful city. Shooting mimes is entirely legal in Paris and you don't even need to fill out any forms.
Alternatively you could visit Notre Dame and wait to see if you can catch an elusive glimpse of the hunchback in the cathedral or watch the American Football college team practice there before flying back on game day.
The notorious Paris Égalité is one of the most beloved teams of Major League Bloodbath. Established in 1643 as the Paris Royale (and renamed in 1789 as the Égalité), Parisu2019 MLB team was a dominant power in the early 1800s with the contributions of the legendary player, Napoleon Bonaparte, perhaps one of the best power centers in history. Since then, the Égalité have become much loved and cursed as they endure one of the longest losing streaks in the history of the MLB.
On every second Sunday there is public guillotining, but you must book in advance as room is scarce. You are advised to bring a basket.
The trees lining the streets of Paris are rich in culture because they are almost 1200 years old. The German commander Ludwig van Beethoven planted them himself in 1804 during World War I so his troops could march through Paris in the shade during future wars such as World War II, the Russian Revolution, and the Franco-Prussian War. Otto von Bismarck describes the planting in detail in his bestseller, De Bello Gallico.
[edit]Transportation
Driving in Paris is a real pleasure and not to be missed. Should you wish for a leisurely driving experience may we recommend the Champs Elysees. A handy phrase book illustrating all appropriate hand signals and gestures can be purchased from most newspaper stands, and are available in a wide variety of French dialects. However, should you wish to experience Paris in a more Parisian fashion then there are a number of alternatives.
[edit]The Metro
Authentic steam trains underground! The ultimate way around Paris. Trains run around every 2 hours during peak times, then whenever the operators bloody well feel like it after that. They are frequently on strike over the condition of their baguettes and the wine being served at above room temperature, so be prepared for delays.
[edit]The Camel
Camels are the natural choice of Parisians, and therefore the discerning tourist. Camels can be found in the taxi ranks near all major attractions and don't have to be paid for - you simply take one to the next location you wish to see and tether it there for someone else to use.
[edit]The Sedan Chair
For the First Class Parisian resident or tourist take a Sedan Chair! Born on the backs of husky men chosen for their uniform height these chairs are the ultimate transport in Paris! Beware as there are long queues and the occasional challenges to a duel for this transport. Sedan chairs are not recommended in the poorer districts of Paris due to the danger of being dragged off and guillotened.
[edit]Fashion in Paris
All Parisians walk around in the latest fashions. There is a fashion show every day of the week in Paris and many of the models can be seen frequenting the restaurants and cafés between shows. Parisian slavishly follow all of the latest trends and sneer at those not similarly attired. As all French women are incredibly thin due to the Gauloise cigarettes they continuously smoke, this makes buying Parisian fashion beyond the reach of most people, especially your typical American tourist, whom they charge by the metric yard.
Due to the frequency of fashion shows in Paris, there are no longer individual opening nights, but rather one opening night that has lasted for 32 years, making it the longest continuous party in the world and where a quarter of all champagne produced goes annually. Here you can meet the most talentless people employed outside of a council who produce clothes that not even a Chav would be seen dead in, although Posh Spice would pay good money for them.
Boutiques in Paris are amongst the snobiest and least helpful in the known world. Here you can be ignored in true style for hours on end as you look at the creations to have come from some of the most tiny minds. Admire men and women with far too much time and money trying on clothes that they will never wear if humanly possible.
[edit]Parisian Etiquette
Parisian etiquette is legendary across the Civilised World, and America. All communcation attempts with a resident should be conducted in a clear, loud voice. Should this fail then we advised raising your voice or purchasing a bullhorn from one of the many Nigerians who will still be following you about. Spitting in the street is also considered to be essential, but without hitting anyone as this is considered the height of bad manners, unless you are speaking directly to them. To blend in you should purchase a beret, a string of onions, a bicycle and a black and white hooped t-shirt.
Parisians are warm and welcoming to their neighbours and love nothing more than being able to converse with an American or Englishman, preferably about art or cuisine although atomic testing in the Pacific is also considered polite conversation. Keeping your arms very still and extinguishing their ever present cigarette is also sure to endear you to them.
.... und das die kleine Kartonbächerli vome Wasserdispänser vo Hand kläbt sin, dasch e Standard wo ich vo jedere Wohlstandsgsellschaft erwart!
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Rinoceronte
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- Registriert: 03.01.2005, 11:29
Ei guck, do isch sogar no öbbis über Züri:
Zurich
A small Swiss village on the banks of the Euphrates and Limmat, Zurich is mostly famous for its gold-plated streets, and bullet-proof trams. It is possibly the best place in the world.
Curiously enough, there never seems to be enough new office space. This is because all office space most be at least 300 years. Understandable this takes time.
The town is Lorded over by Mayor 47Monkey
Zurich
A small Swiss village on the banks of the Euphrates and Limmat, Zurich is mostly famous for its gold-plated streets, and bullet-proof trams. It is possibly the best place in the world.
Curiously enough, there never seems to be enough new office space. This is because all office space most be at least 300 years. Understandable this takes time.
The town is Lorded over by Mayor 47Monkey
.... und das die kleine Kartonbächerli vome Wasserdispänser vo Hand kläbt sin, dasch e Standard wo ich vo jedere Wohlstandsgsellschaft erwart!
Einige scheinen den Sinn der Uncyclopedia wohl nicht zu kennen...
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:About
Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this is one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:About
Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this is one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray.
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Rinoceronte
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- Beiträge: 588
- Registriert: 03.01.2005, 11:29
Zu geil
Trojan War
From Uncyclopedia
Warning! This article may contain some actual factual information!
A war of the Ancient world, as told by Homer, between Greece and Troy. The Trojan War was sparked when Paris of Greece abducted Helen, wife of Agameno... Agmanemo... the King of Troy, and consummated their love without the use of appropriate protection. The Troy people, angered by this irresponsible behavior, declared war on the Greeks (who preferred 'barebacking') to promote their liberal notion of "safe sex", beginning a decades-long war whose core issues continue to battle to this day (recent warriors include Pac-Man).
With the invention of plastic by the Venusian people in 1855, the people of Troy invented a new weapon in their everlasting war for safe sex: a special Condom, with their insignia built right into it (Trojan Man, meaning it was made for the men of troy). Unfortunately, many outsiders reverse-engineered this weapon, and used it for practical purposes (such as children's toys). These days, it's extremely rare to find an original Trojan weapon of war.
From Uncyclopedia
Warning! This article may contain some actual factual information!
A war of the Ancient world, as told by Homer, between Greece and Troy. The Trojan War was sparked when Paris of Greece abducted Helen, wife of Agameno... Agmanemo... the King of Troy, and consummated their love without the use of appropriate protection. The Troy people, angered by this irresponsible behavior, declared war on the Greeks (who preferred 'barebacking') to promote their liberal notion of "safe sex", beginning a decades-long war whose core issues continue to battle to this day (recent warriors include Pac-Man).
With the invention of plastic by the Venusian people in 1855, the people of Troy invented a new weapon in their everlasting war for safe sex: a special Condom, with their insignia built right into it (Trojan Man, meaning it was made for the men of troy). Unfortunately, many outsiders reverse-engineered this weapon, and used it for practical purposes (such as children's toys). These days, it's extremely rare to find an original Trojan weapon of war.
.... und das die kleine Kartonbächerli vome Wasserdispänser vo Hand kläbt sin, dasch e Standard wo ich vo jedere Wohlstandsgsellschaft erwart!
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PeppermintPatty
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- Beiträge: 995
- Registriert: 07.12.2004, 08:46
- Wohnort: Basel-Wipkingen
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rayparlour
- Erfahrener Benutzer
- Beiträge: 124
- Registriert: 15.04.2005, 04:22
Soccer/Fussball
Otherwise known as "football for girls" or "Non-American football" or "I Can't Believe It's Not Football!", soccer is an obscure sport largely unknown outside of the distant, mysterious, and largely insignificant lands of Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America. Soccer is named after Socrates, who is its patron saint.
Famous soccer fans include God, Weird Al Yankovic and Homer Simpson.
History
Centuries ago there was an overpopulation of cows in England. The Council of Cow Killers (COCK) decided the only solution was mass cow genocide. Millions of cows were killed and thrown in the ocean and only their bladders were saved. No one knows why. Left with millions of cow bladders, the COCK took the next logical step. They decided to blow them up like a really scary balloon, and kick it around. Soccer as we know it was born. Falah Aka "Flubey le ouahid" has made this sport even bigger worldwide.
[edit]
Rules
You can't use your hands unless you are the special guy in special clothes who's not allowed out of his "box" (I don't think they know the box is really just lines on the ground, you totally could just walk out if you wanted to, unless you're a mime).
The point is for a group of men or women to run around getting sweaty with the goal of "scoring" in the back of the net. This has confused gay men for years, as they continually turn on English Premier League games and end up completely confused and disappointed. Unfortunately, there is little scoring because the special guy in special clothes puts a stop to it.
You get a bonus known as a "free kick" if you are really good at falling over, screaming and holding your leg all at the same time.
Just so the offence, the guys who try to score but never do, won't make fun of the special guy in the special clothes, like telling him that his box is just a bunch of lines, there is a rule called "off-sides".
All you have to do is run around for about 90 minutes trying to catch a ball, and once you get to it you have to kick it and lose it once again, which basically makes little sense.
Famous soccer fans include God, Weird Al Yankovic and Homer Simpson.
History
Centuries ago there was an overpopulation of cows in England. The Council of Cow Killers (COCK) decided the only solution was mass cow genocide. Millions of cows were killed and thrown in the ocean and only their bladders were saved. No one knows why. Left with millions of cow bladders, the COCK took the next logical step. They decided to blow them up like a really scary balloon, and kick it around. Soccer as we know it was born. Falah Aka "Flubey le ouahid" has made this sport even bigger worldwide.
[edit]
Rules
You can't use your hands unless you are the special guy in special clothes who's not allowed out of his "box" (I don't think they know the box is really just lines on the ground, you totally could just walk out if you wanted to, unless you're a mime).
The point is for a group of men or women to run around getting sweaty with the goal of "scoring" in the back of the net. This has confused gay men for years, as they continually turn on English Premier League games and end up completely confused and disappointed. Unfortunately, there is little scoring because the special guy in special clothes puts a stop to it.
You get a bonus known as a "free kick" if you are really good at falling over, screaming and holding your leg all at the same time.
Just so the offence, the guys who try to score but never do, won't make fun of the special guy in the special clothes, like telling him that his box is just a bunch of lines, there is a rule called "off-sides".
All you have to do is run around for about 90 minutes trying to catch a ball, and once you get to it you have to kick it and lose it once again, which basically makes little sense.
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Steve Works
- Neuer Benutzer
- Beiträge: 0
- Registriert: 27.05.2013, 10:54
That's one way to look at itPeppermintPatty hat geschrieben:Soccer - otherwise known as football for girls
).___________________________
Steve Works
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